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Courting Disaster

March 20, 2008 by Veronica Mitchell

When I wrote yesterday’s post, I had a brief qualm before hitting the Publish button. Hmm, I thought. Maybe I shouldn’t say something so snarky about Scientology. It might get me a lot of hate from the devotedly humorless.

Well. I was half right.

After reading yesterday’s comments (ahem), you may not realize that “auxiliary languages,” as the category is called, were invented with the goal of increasing world peace and global understanding.

I’ll just let you mull that over for a minute.

Anyway, I’m convinced. Az and I have been wasting our time studying the ordinary languages of the world. Who needs French or German or Hebrew or Arabic?

Clearly what the world needs DESPERATELY is a fake, made-up, I mean, “artificially constructed” international language, free from the political imperialism of past and present. A neutral language, created and spoken by peaceful-minded people, would usher in a longed-for Utopia. You’ve convinced me.

So I will be putting away my Akkadian syllabary and my Greek dictionary and my Aramaic lexicon, and instead devote myself to learning a truly useful language for international relations:

Sindarin Elvish.

It just makes sense.  It’s for the good of the world.

I do realize that this choice is bound to be offensive to some. It may cripple me, for example, for Orcish relations, but Orcs tend to do that anyway.

And I’m sure there will be a predictable reaction from the Trolls.

(Also, if I had read this post beforehand, I never would have mentioned any such languages in a million years.)

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Uncategorized | 33 Comments

33 Responses

  1. on March 20, 2008 at 11:53 pm leann

    Oh, Veronica. You do make me smile. I vote for Elvish. I know a little Old English, so I’m pretty sure I could learn it…

    I tried to read that post you linked to and got through one sentence and hit the “back” button as fast as I could. :)

    Have a great Good Friday!!! He is Risen!


  2. on March 20, 2008 at 11:53 pm chrissy

    Veronica, I do hope you don’t get nasty comments from the Orcs, but I think you’ve made a good choice in going with the Elvish. It always sounded so pretty, anyway.


  3. on March 21, 2008 at 12:12 am leann

    Chrissy, the Elvish writing is very pretty as well…I wonder how pretty Esperanto writing is.


  4. on March 21, 2008 at 12:42 am Yamile

    Hey, Aragorn speaks Elvish; that’s enough for me!!!! I should say, Viggo, sigh, Mortensen speaks Elvish…Did you know he speaks Spanish with an Argentine accent? Could he be any more perfect? And I’m with Leann, I started reding the document that you linked to in your post, and I gave up; I went back to your site as fast as I could!!!


  5. on March 21, 2008 at 4:49 am Julie

    Ha! I did read (skim, anyway) the whole article you linked to, and I learned a great new word: eristic. As in “most auxlangers are eristic.” Wikipedia definition: “Eristic, from the ancient Greek word Eris meaning wrangle or strife, often refers to a type of dialogue or argument where the participants do not have any reasonable goal. The aim is to win the argument and to not potentially discover a true or probable answer to any specific question or topic. Eristic dialogue is arguing for the sake of conflict, fighting, and often to see who can yell the loudest.”

    Elvish is a great choice, Veronica — and yeah, watch out for those trolls. ;)


  6. on March 21, 2008 at 6:31 am happy geek

    Snort.

    He is risen indeed.


  7. on March 21, 2008 at 7:29 am Coralie

    Oh, oh, oh, you are a great and balanced mind.

    And you make me laugh.

    And also I love that you mention sci-fi/fantasy more often than shopping for shoes.

    I wonder how you say all of that in Elvish? :-)


  8. on March 21, 2008 at 7:59 am zoom

    You are funny. Blessed Easter. He is risen.


  9. on March 21, 2008 at 8:26 am Jolyn

    Um, yea. Esperanto seems to be doing its job of “increasing world peace and global understanding” quite well.

    Happy Good Friday!


  10. on March 21, 2008 at 9:02 am nomotherearth

    You’re funny!

    I love posts where I learn something new – I even learnt a new word today: eristic. Cool.

    Wow, I’m a geek. (But I speak English, not some auxiliary language..)


  11. on March 21, 2008 at 9:47 am Jeana

    I think you’re making it all up, because you did not write the post in Elvish. Hey! You’re not really Elvish! YOU’RE JUST AN ELVISH IMPERSONATOR!

    (I admit I lifted that line from Veggietales Lord of the Beans. I love that line. I never thought I would have opportunity to use it. See, you’re bringing about good thoughts already.)


  12. on March 21, 2008 at 10:42 am Amanda

    Sheesh — some people have way too much time on their hands! (Not you, some other people.)


  13. on March 21, 2008 at 10:43 am Amanda

    … forgot to say Happy Easter!


  14. on March 21, 2008 at 10:56 am Rebecca

    I spent ALL DAY YESTERDAY frantically checking your last post and laughing hysterically while also hoping that you weren’t finding your sudden onslaught of fanatical commentors upsetting.
    Elvish, eh? And that would be why I never read Tolkien.


  15. on March 21, 2008 at 11:04 am Terri

    Oh, you are TOO funny!

    By the way, WordPress wouldn’t let me post my comment on yesterday’s post so I’m putting here:

    Holy Mackerel! I read your post yesterday then googled Esperanto and thought: Hmmm, how interesting. But today I came back via Beck, and holy mackerel! As others have said, I would have guessed a Scientology backlash if any.

    I love your blog by the way and personally, your comments about Esperanto have prompted in me an interest about something I didn’t know about which is why I googled it. For that I would think the Esperantists would be a smidge grateful.


  16. on March 21, 2008 at 11:14 am Kelly @ Love Well

    I don’t think you have to worry about a comment storm from the Orcs. I think they lack the opposable thumbs to type.

    You’re a model of grace, wit and style, Veronica. Well done.

    (Wish I could say that in Elvish.)


  17. on March 21, 2008 at 11:23 am Sis

    Howl!! You’re so funny. I thought the comments from yesterday were great. I giggled all evening. What a great post! You are a model of humility and self-sacrifice. Let’s hear it for world peace! (I think this is the most exclamation points I’ve ever used at once).

    Loved it.


  18. on March 21, 2008 at 12:09 pm minnesotamom

    Who knew that you had all those Esperanto-speaking lurkers, just WAITING until you published something on the matter and then–sproing!–out of the bushes they came, wielding their swords and holding out for blood!

    Touche.

    I, for one, think you should stick with your Greek. :)


  19. on March 21, 2008 at 1:22 pm boomama

    Just FYI: “devotedly humorless” is officially my new favorite phrase.


  20. on March 21, 2008 at 1:38 pm skiplovey

    Hee! Too funny.


  21. on March 21, 2008 at 3:08 pm bubandpie

    Too funny.


  22. on March 21, 2008 at 5:29 pm planetnomad

    These were AWESOME, V! You have made my day. I just read both posts–and ALL comments.
    Hey, I’m working on 3 live languages myself, plus 2 different Arabic dialects (I’m not bragging–I am terrible in all but English. But then I teach English, as these poor misguided people actually want to learn it). I don’t want to hear about Bulgarian goatherds. And I loved that article you linked too–it was really quite funny.


  23. on March 22, 2008 at 8:02 am Shalee

    Oh, Elvish is an excellent choice! You notice that everyone who spoke it was beautiful, right? I’m sure if I learn to speak it, I too could look as light as a feather and as tall as an elm.

    But knowing me, I’d be from the Keebler line and would eat all the the cookies, thereby ruining my chances of being tall and beautiful.

    (Hey Jeana: Cookieman says no! Ha ha ha ha… those Sporcs are so funny!)


  24. on March 22, 2008 at 10:21 am Kyla

    OMG, that line about the Trolls is just TOO clever.


  25. on March 22, 2008 at 3:36 pm Mr. Love Well

    Veronica,

    Now why do you turn your malevolent wit to castigate the sadly misunderstood, terribly maligned, and poorly misrepresented Orcs?!?!

    First you unleash an unmitigated character assassination of the highly-cultured and uber erudite society of Esperantoads (who truly are quite friendly with Bulgarian goatherds).

    Must you fully annihilate the infinitesimal modicum of dignity remaining to us noble Orcs? We of the International Federation of Diaspora Orcs protest your unwarranted provocation in the strongest of terms, whether in English, Esperanto or Elvish!

    While it has been said in English, “Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.” Or is it, “Beauty is only skin deep?” (My knowedge of English adages is somewhat fuzzy)

    We say in Orchish, “Atkytuk fzxiqet vpghraomtrz lkooobptq.” Translated into English, “Look beyond skin depth to find our beauty.” While we may not resemble Aragorn or the Elves on the outside, judge not a tome by its jacket.

    May you live long and prosper,
    Mr. Love Well


  26. on March 23, 2008 at 3:10 pm Misslisslee

    Hahahaha! Love it — I held out on reading Tolkien for years because of unfortunate associations with the crazy Dungeons and Dragons people I knew in high school. . . . only to find out that apparently some of those kinds of people grew up to make massive amounts of money as ‘language coaches’ for LotR. It really is an enjoyable series, but if you figure out the Elvish, you are even smarter than I thought!


  27. on March 23, 2008 at 6:47 pm JCK

    O.K….now I get what Happy Geek was talking about over here. You’re just riling things up Toddled Dredge! ;) There be some BIG ‘UNs out hayah on the internets…


  28. on March 23, 2008 at 10:23 pm Karen MEG (Pomtini)

    This is the third Elvish sighting I’ve had in as many days … ;)


  29. on March 24, 2008 at 9:46 am Kathryn

    Oh, Veronica! How I love you!


  30. on March 24, 2008 at 11:20 am Toño

    Perhaps it’s simply that I don’t understand the nuances of English, but are you sure that the Esperantists that responded to the post were ruder than the author herself? I mean, perhaps some answers were indeed not very polite, but they were commenting on phrases like: “Esperanto. That fake, made-up language that was briefly the darling of misguided intellectuals” or “Esperanto is the second worst invention of the twentieth century”. I myself felt a bit hurt — chiefly for the comparison with Scientology, I must admit :-)

    I know that guests must behave better than the owner of the house, but I do not know if that rule applies to blogs. Shouldn’t bloggers expect to be responded in the same fashion used in their posts?

    BTW, how does my photo appear in my comment? (no, it’s not a complaint, it’s just a real technological question; I’m a bit puzzled about it)


  31. on March 24, 2008 at 10:17 pm Detlef Karthaus

    Love your blog Vernonica! Did you Tolkiens fans know that he favoured and wrote positively about Esperanto? You can read his article “A Philologist on Esperanto” http://donh.best.vwh.net/Languages/tolkien1.html


  32. on March 27, 2008 at 1:59 pm Novembrance

    Ooh, ooh! I used to study Sindarin!

    (Sheesh. You went and got all controversial while I was on vacation. Yowza, you poor thing.)


  33. on April 14, 2008 at 12:47 am Becky

    I’m reading backward through your blog and, even tho I know it raises eyebrows when you suddenly get a comment, out of the blue, on a month old posting…eh.

    My point is…I went to Babel Fish, a translation tool by and for geeks, to see if I could get a comment of mine translated into Esperanto (since no one was clever enough to do that during this kerfluffel) and *doink* there is no esperanto translation matrix on Babel. So what does THAT tell ya. LOL

    Ik zal iets in het Nederlands moeten in plaats daarvan zeggen.
    ;-)



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