I have figured it out.
More than a few times in the last two years I have wondered why mommyblogs tend to be better written than other blogs. “Perhaps, ” I thought to myself, “it is the emphasis on narrative. When a mother talks about her kids, she usually tells stories instead of pontificating.”
“Or maybe,” I mused, “the focus on children means that we do not lose sight of each other’s personhood. Our shared love and nurture of children naturally makes us more polite to each other than the political and religious bloggers.”
But that didn’t sound quite right, either. And it leaves out the popular, sneering mommybloggers who are mean to people, but write well.
Fearing that I was guilty of mommyblogger chauvinism, I tried branching out into other blogging realms. I have found some good stuff, but still some of it grates on me after a while.
Today I figured it out.
It’s the whining.
Mommybloggers don’t whine. If a mommyblogger complains about her day, it is usually in a mildly self-mocking way, or to make people laugh, or because she is facing real difficulties and needs support. If a mommyblogger really whined, no one else would read her blog.
We get enough of that at home.
So those religious or political or personal blogs I read? I may need to treat them the way I do my kids: if you can’t control yourself and stop whining, your RSS feed needs to go to time-out for a while.
I think it would be better for all of us.
So true. I think we realize we are all in this together. Our blog is our catharsis. So we are more supportive of each other. Some of the topics discussed are controversial but no one ever started a war over breastfeeding.
SBM, I have seen some pretty ugly comments about breastfeeding and circumcision. But most commenters are much better behaved than that.
This is really something I’ve never considered, but you are SO right on. I enjoy reading mom blogs because not only can I identify, but also because most mom bloggers are able to have a sense of humor and see their days through rosier glasses. It’s just life, but it’s the little things that make life worth living that I like to read about.
I concur wholeheartedly. What confuses me, though, is that I not uncommonly stumble across complaints about mommyblogs that say exactly the opposite: that they are full of negativity and whining, that they depict motherhood as being SO HARD that it makes you wonder why anyone willingly does it …
I’m never sure what’s going on when I read those generalizations. Is it simply that the anti-mommyblogging complainer is reading completely different blogs than I am? Or is it that a story that strikes me as wryly understated seems like a horrific exaggeration to the (often childless) complainer? Or that the language of loving complaint gets misread as pure antagonism?
Well said, Veronica.
You know, it always amuses me that “mommyblogs” are lightly scoffed at in so many circles, yet I find these blogs to contain some of the most consistently compelling, humane writing in the whole of the Internet.
Sure, there are some bad eggs and, sure, there are some whiners, but by and large, it is a vibrant, creative, kind-hearted community of women, and I’m glad you’re a member.
Bubandpie were posting in synch. Or *NSynch, possibly.
By golly, I think you’re right. Never thought about it that way, but I can’t stand whining. Well, I kind of like the self-deprecating kind that says, “I know I’m whining and I know whining is stupid, so please ignore me.” That I can live with. But a blog with real, serious whining? No interest in reading it.
You may have something there.
You know (and I apologize if I bring legions of childfree people down on your head with this comment)….
I find that people with children adopt an entirely different perspective on life. They become more compassionate, caring, selfless, adaptable, appreciative of the small joys that life has to offer….
That may be why the whining is less on Mommy blogs.
My youngest sisters is childless, and she is becoming just so…odd. And I think part of that is the fact that her whole life is centered around her, and her myriad of complaints. I fear she is becoming a misanthrope and a hypochonriac.
Anyway…very thought provoking.
I think you have hit the nail on the proverbial head. Part of it, too, is the community of readers. When a blogger complains that they ran out of beer at a party I have no sympathy for such pathetic whining. But if that same blogger reads my blog, she could wonder why I even had kids if I think they are so difficult to raise. Our peers, however, completely sympathize with our respective problems.
I feel the same way about swearing on blogs. By and large, mommy bloggers keep it fairly clean. I appreciate that–the ones that swear a lot are put on my time-out list too.
What Melanie said.
Because she said it really well.
People without kids are somewhat…. odd. It’s callous to say, but it’s true – something about parenting FINISHES people (well, most people) and makes them into full-fledged adults.
On the other hand, I’ve been lucky enough to run into some pretty spectacularily self-absorbed mother bloggers, who DO whine constantly about their children or husband and write the most startlingly unflattering things about them. I try to spend as little time as possible on those blogs.
After thinking about the non-mommy blogs I visit, I think you have a good point about the whining.
Rebecca, Why would you keep reading such blogs at all? Hoping it was just a sort of “terrible-two” phase, seeing if they’ve changed and grown? And will you ever see this question, posed as a comment to your comment on someone else’s blog?
Veronica, I think you’re right on. I, too, have wondered why I enjoy the “mommy-bloggers” so much more, in general, than other kinds (although I still hate that term). Thanks for articulating it for me.
And the non “mommy-bloggers” that I do read (I really do hate that term) have the same sort of style; what’s important is an ability to ponder and write and mix humour and substance, not the physical act of having children.
You know what? You’re right. We complain. We snark. We lament. But we do not whine.
You are right! That’s it! I’ve been wondering why I find other blogs so annoying. You’ve solved the case.
Another thing to consider: perhaps mommy bloggers don’t whine much because if they did, they’d be whining about little PEOPLE. Little people who will grow up and might read what their mommy wrote. Little people with hearts. Mommy bloggers (at least most of them, I think) write with a lot of self-checking going on, because we know that our kids will grow up and we don’t want to say something they’d be hurt or embarrassed to read about later.
I like the idea of RSS time outs.
I’d love to be a fly on your internet wall so I could see some of those sites you’re referring to.
I have occasionally taken my husband by surprise when I’ve brought up an issue that I was reading about on a “mommy blog”. (Just as an aside, when I refer to your blog you are the writer who “knows 10 languages, all of them dead”. I don’t remember why I say that, or if it’s even accurate. Is it in your “100″ list?) It’s not that he doesn’t think that we moms aren’t educated or thoughtful or intelligent or all of the above; it’s more like “mommybloggers” can be so misleading at times. “Bloggers who happen to be moms” might be a more accurate term for many.
Ah, yes. True. This was on my “to post about” list, so I hope that when I say something similar in a week or so you won’t think I’m a copy-cat (not that you read my blog). My husband’s friend has had a blog quite a bit longer than me and wondered how I got so much traffic so fast. It’s the community! Mommybloggers have a much tighter bond than those who are simply on a soapbox and out to argue.
I’m so glad for the community I’ve found in the blog world. It enriches my day.
Bingo.
Julie blogged about the intersection between writing and motherhood today. Her thoughts seem to piggy-back yours.
Personally, I read blogs that are well-written — period. They could be about current events, cooking, travel or family. And whining rarely makes for good writing.
Provocative thoughts Veronica. Your blog is one of my favorites.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is just the bare truth right there! What an observant mind you have. I have a young (not so much age, but immature) friend who blogs and her posts leave me fidgeting and irritated…I think this is why – she still WHINES.
Good gravy – who needs more whining?
Ah so true, so true. Never thought about it like that before. You hit the nail right on the head.
I see what you mean about whining…I tend to do a bit of that myself, but am learning some self-discipline. I agree with the commenter who suggested that mommybloggers refrain from whining because their children might one day read it.
That’s a great idea to keep in mind when blogging. Thanks for the great post!
I LOVE this post! You have perfectly said what I had been wondering, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Before a friend introduced me to the mommybloggers, I thought most blogs were the most boring pity parties that I had ever been invited to. Who wants to hear all that? Not me, I’ll stick with you Gals!
Love this! It’s so true. If I won’t tolerate whining in my home, why would I tolerate reading it? Great insight –
I think you’ve hit on the exact reason I read mommy blogs almost exclusively.
I agree with the whining. And they tend to stir up conflict.
I avoid the pot stirring whiners now.