My Favorite Screen Vampires

I thought I would take a page out of Scribbit’s book and list a favorite thirteen, but then I could not come up with thirteen. I don’t have much tolerance for horror movies. Repulsive images are so effective on me that I avoid them. That’s what repulse means, you strange Hollywood-types.

But vampires sometimes outweigh the horror of Horror for me. They symbolize the evil in human nature, an evil that we fight against either in ourselves, or in the actions of predatory people. There aren’t many vampire books that I like (the only exceptions are Robin McKinley’s Sunshine, George MacDonald’s short story “The Cruel Painter” and possibly Bram Stoker’s Dracula), so here are my favorite screen vampires.

1. Angel – Despite all his anti-Christian tripe, I am a fan of Joss Whedon’s tv shows. His character Angel, “the vampire with a soul,” is my favorite. He resists his own demons and pursues nobility, while making fun of himself along the way. There’s nothing like a champion against evil who sings Barry Manilow for karaoke and spent a few days as a magically animated puppet.

2. Forever Knight – Detective Nick Knight is an 800-year-old vampire who is trying to become human again. If you watched this Canadian show in syndication fifteen years ago, you were one of a precious few, but I stayed up late every Friday night to see it. Even when I was 20, that took commitment. The production values are not so great, but Geraint Wyn Davies as the world’s most cherubic vampire still draws me to rent the dvds occasionally.

3. Blade – The Blade movies fall into the gruesome category, but Wesley Snipes as the muscular, choreographed vampire-slayer who resists his own impulses and longs for his own mother – Oh, the orchestrated pathos! He persuades me that he is cool, and I am shallow enough to watch for that reason.

4. Underworld – Kate Beckinsale with fangs is like a tiny Siamese cat that one day tries to eat you. Add Bill Nighy as the aged vampire patriarch and I will forgive all the melodrama. I’m lying. I don’t have to forgive melodrama. It’s why I watch.

5. Lost Boys – Great soundtrack, and don’t you tell me otherwise. I know Keifer Sutherland is all famous now as The Ideal Fed on 24, but to me he is still a twenty-something bleach blond vampire on a motorcycle and I want him to stay away from me. Same for Jamie Gertz.

6. Monster Squad – This is not a horror or action movie, exactly. It is more of a scare-the-twelve-year-olds-on-Halloween movie. A group of kids figure out that a neighbor is the one-and-only Dracula, and they enlist the help of the old man next door (known as “Scary German Guy”) to fight him. The most goose-pimply moment of the movie is when the young protagonist says to Scary German Guy as he’s leaving, “Wow. You sure know a lot about monsters.” The old man says, “Yes. I suppose I do,” and when he stretches out his arm to close the door, you see a small series of numbers tattooed on his forearm.

7. The Night Stalker – I’ve mentioned Carl Kolchak before, the intrepid journalist who discovers a vampire living under the streets of Seattle. The 1970s special effects are hokey, but that’s part of its charm.

8. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen – This is a movie you either love or hate. It is ridiculous, but fun. Peta Wilson plays a vampire both graceful and bloodthirsty. Plus, Sean Connery is in it.

9. John Carpenter’s Vampires – This may be the bloodiest of the list. It is very gruesome, and I spent a significant portion of it covering my eyes. But I loved James Woods as the foul-mouthed but dedicated vampire hunter. There is no romance in Woods’ slaughter of vampires – just strategy and elimination. And a lot of rage. I have no idea why I liked it, but I did.

What about you? Am I the only one with a strange penchant for the vampires?