We stayed home from church today because I could not find my daughter’s shoes.
The great shoe hunt happens every Sunday morning (maybe at your house, too), and today it dragged on through the Sunday School hour and passed the start of the sanctuary worship service, at which point I gave up, flopping into a chair, holding two unmatching, right shoes. Every Saturday afternoon I tell myself I will find all the shoes that night, after the girls go to bed. Every Saturday night I realize that the place the shoes are most likely to be is the girls’ bedroom, where they are sleeping, so I have to wait till morning.
I should have taken her in sneakers or unmatching shoes or shoeless, even though it would look ridiculous. But every time I consider doing that, I remember when JellyBean was only a year old. We were members of a different congregation then, and one summer morning we could not find the sandals that fit her properly. We put on another pair, which she kicked off in the car, and she spent the morning barefoot at church.
She was running happily barefoot through the parlor after the service, when the Most Horrible Woman in church (every church has one) looked pointedly at JellyBean’s feet, looked at me, and asked in her most insulting voice, “Veronica, are you too poor to buy your children shoes?”
At the time, the answer to that question was less certain than I liked, and I felt angry and ashamed. I am not sure how much the Horrible Woman intended to upset me, and how much she was merely mean and clueless. (The Horrible Woman was the same person who, when we told her we were looking for a house outside the neighborhood of the church, objected to our move and suggested that we look at the affordable houses on Smith Ave and Jones Street. The starting price for a house on those streets was an oh-so-affordable $250K.)
Since then, I am a little more fanatical than I should be in making sure my children are dressed well at church. I am afraid of someone noticing again.
Today is the second Sunday in Advent, when we traditionally light the Bethlehem candle. I was planning to write a post about the way God reveals himself not in generalities, but in the humble specifics of one baby in one town. But instead I find myself thinking about the people of Bethlehem, wondering how many of them really welcomed baby Jesus.
Every church I have ever been a part of has talked a lot about how to welcome strangers. And every church I know has a Horrible Woman or Man, a champion hater who delights in making people feel rotten.
I would love to claim that I am always one of the welcoming and never one of the hateful, but I know that’s not true. I have my own petty resentments and sinful superiorities that blind me to the people who need love and welcome. I am better behaved, but the standard for goodness is God’s character, not our neighbor’s, and we don’t get points for being merely Not Horrible.
When Jesus was born, the town of Bethlehem did not want him. They had an influx of people, everyone was busy, and it was hard to find room for one more. When the Savior of the world was born, in the entire town where he chose to be born, the only place that welcomed him unequivocally was a feeding trough.
During Advent we prepare for Christ’s ultimate return, but we should remember that Jesus also returns to us in the people we meet, especially those in need. Maybe it is a mom who just couldn’t get it together that day, or a neighbor who drives you crazy, or people who have lost their homes in a flood. Jesus comes to us in those people, and we decide whether we will be the busy Bethlehem townsfolk who don’t notice, the harried innkeeper who scrounges up something, or a quietly unimpressive but warm and welcoming manger.
Hopefully, it won’t take a host of angels before we notice him this time around.
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Christmas Link #2 - An interview with a pastor in Mexico discovering how to welcome Jesus among the neglected.
Hello V,
I’m sorry your morning was stressful. It made me smile only a little, because this morning we lit the Peace candle during our service to celebrate the second Sunday of Advent. Pre-service was anything but peaceful as we prepared, so I totally understand your feelings.
Concerning the Horrible Woman-yes, unfortunately every church family has at least one. Being a consistently cranky Christian doesn’t exhibit the love and grace of Christ very well does it? We’ve begun to consider why we give the sin of grumbling and mean spiritedness a “pass” and not hold people accountable for it. I spoke with a pastor yesterday who actually disciplines grumblers and criticizers so that their actions and attitiude don’t overtake and harm the body. It gave me a lot to think about for sure.
I’m wishing you a blessed Advent season as you wait and watch with expectancy to celebrate the Baby born in Bethlehem once again.
Becky
Well now I feel much more fortunate.
Best wishes
Please know that you are not the only family who has missed church because of a missing shoe/article of clothing/the car keys, (oh, yes, I could go on). Each Saturday I make the same commitment to planning for next morning. Sometimes it happens. Most times it does not. As a matter of fact, I’m still trying to locate a few items from the late 90’s.
It is strange that you should take this tack with the Advent devotion. Just yesterday while involved in a church-sponsored activity, I had similar thoughts. You are so right when you say. “Jesus comes to us in those people, and we decide whether we will be the busy Bethlehem townsfolk who don’t notice, the harried innkeeper who scrounges up something, or a quietly unimpressive but warm and welcoming manger.” Too often, I’m afraid, my church (including me) would be/are the people of Bethlehem.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to remind us of the opportunities we have to view others through God’s eyes. May this be a blessed and unhurried Christmas for you all. (Happy shoe hunting, too.)
Even if you are dressed well, wearing both shoes and carrying an expensive purse, you can be made to feel unwelcome by people pretending they don’t see you. It feels rotten. At least Most Horrible Woman Ever is overt.
your posts is my second reminder today of where I ought to be looking for the Christ child in this season - my first came from Bono, via Dave at his blog It’s not a Lecture
“God is with us, when we are with them.”
Lowly is not just a word for Christmas hymns. It’s for me, today, a direction, a nudge of where I can look if I really want to see his face this year.
wow. still boggled that someone could say that to you in church and not be struck down. clearly the hypocrisy lightning is not the deterrent to others that it is to me.
“I have my own petty resentments and sinful superiorities that blind me to the people who need love and welcome. I am better behaved, but the standard for goodness is God’s character, not our neighbor’s, and we don’t get points for being merely Not Horrible.”
Ouch. that hit home. Way closer than I would have liked. Thank-you for the needed reminder.
You need to move to Canada, nobody’s kids wears shoes inside in the winter and boots don’t seem to migrate as much as shoes tend to, so they are easier to find
On the positive side…people in the church who refuse to “extend the right hand of fellowship” or “greet one antoher with a holy kiss” give us individually an opportunity to “die to self” or for those of us willing to shake things up at bit in church an opportunity to “speak the truth in love”. I can’t find an scriptural support for wallowing in bitterness about them.
brother
What a wonderful post Veronica. I’m not a hater, but I am often wrapped up in my own concerns, in my own problems, and I fail to really look around myself to see who else might be in need, who else might be hurt. I know that I would never turn AWAY someone in need of help, but I know that it is very possible that I would never notice their need in the first place.
What a wonderful post. Thank you.
Really, this was precious, Veronica.
Truly thought-provoking. Thank you for helping all of us to prepare our hearts for the Savior.
Lovely post. It’s true that there always seems to be one obliviously blunt person in a crowd. I’ve been the victim of that a few times myself, and probably (shudder) the offender more than once as well.
I can also relate to the shoe battle, although I admit I have surrendered caring whether or not they look nice for church. My son keeps his firefighter rain boots in the car, and yeah, he pretty much wears them everywhere, including church.
This was a really beautiful post. I wondered at the beginning how you were going to turn a post about lost shoes into an advent thought, but it was the perfect lead-in to some wonderful thoughts. I say amen to your other commenters.
Thank you.
Can I tell you my big secret? I lay out their Sunday outfits on Saturday night because otherwise we’d never go to church or the Boy would never attend while fully clothed.
I don’t know how welcoming I am - maybe not very - but my church actually doesn’t have any horrible people, for all of it’s deep theological flaws. It’s the lovely congregation that keeps me there.
And $250,000 is AFFORDABLE? I am SO POOR.
One of my close friends came from a family of 6 kids. They slept, shoes and all, in their Sunday finery.
I have sometimes found myself feeling uncomfortable or defensive about our family’s financial situation when faced with someone who has a more affluent lifestyle than ours, and seems critical of our choices.
Isn’t it funny that this should be so when our Lord lived such a humble lifestyle, and advised his followers to do the same?
Why do I consistently have to fight the urge to conform to the world’s standards, and not my beloved Savior? This makes no sense.
Thanks for helping me focus.
I hate how Horrible Woman spoke to you. I’ve been on the receiving end of such comments a few times. I don’t THINK I’ve ever given such comments, but I suspect that just shows the level of my own blindness, rather than being proof of innate kindness.
I know that I am far too often like the people of Bethlehem–just a little too busy (with worthy things!) and a little too self-absorbed to really notice all the things that are truly important, crying out for my attention.
Can I link to this? This story had me awake in the middle of the night, I know people who need to read this. Thanks for putting it out there.
What a great post. I’ve belonged to one church or another most of my life and so I’ve learned the lesson of not judging God on the sometime behavior of His people. You are so right — every church has a Horrible Woman and/or Man and it is a painful thing to experience.
Last Christmas, my husband and I were visiting some other churches in the area and for the most part felt welcome. But we did visit one church where we were completely ignored. At Christmas! When churches should expect visitors! In fact, we actually went up to church members and shook hands and introduced ourselves but even this didn’t help. Those we approached gave us a royal brush off — too busy, who are you, why should I talk to you kind of thing. All I could think was “wow, glad I know not to judge God on this behavior” and said a prayer for those at that church.
Anyway, these types of experiences have taught me a lot about my own behavior and help me to remember to be a welcomer.
I am reading this after just returning home from church. Sad, but I could picture our congregation’s Horrible Woman. I hope no one will ever think of me. Thank you for reminding us to be better than just “Not Horrible.”
Awesome post!
This was very well put. Thank you for sharing and letting God speak through you today.
Blessings,
faithful chick
[...] 16, 2007 by Veronica Mitchell We missed church AGAIN this morning. This time it had nothing to do with shoes; I got the clothes and shoes lined up the night [...]
In the counting-my-blessings department, I think our church really doesn’t have a Most Horrible Woman (or Man). But we do have children who come to church with their hair uncombed, clothes askew, etc. We have a lot of young families, and with only two kids, ours is on the small side. Everyone knows that sometimes Mom and/or Dad just don’t have enough hands. And there are so many kids under three that someone’s always running around without shoes. It’s a very lively place, and very accepting.