Recently I drove to a favorite park on a pleasant morning by myself. I had picked up a Vince Gill cd from the library earlier in the week on a whim, and I listened as I drove.
There are plenty of songs in country music about violence against a cheating spouse, songs tailored to suit each singer. If Johnny Cash sang about a wife wanting to kill her abusive, cheating husband, it would be a dark, gritty song of betrayal and fatalistic consequences. If the Dixie Chicks sing about it, it is a crow of victory or a sly giggle.
But in “Which Way Will You Go?” Vince Gill, with one of the gentlest voices in country music, softly persuades a mistreated woman not to commit murder. He sings,
Don’t let the devil get you by the throat.
You pull that trigger, girl, that’s all she wrote.
Satan’s waitin’ for you down the road.
Oh, which way will you go?
I am pretty clueless about popular culture, but I can’t remember the last time I heard someone present the temptation to murder as an unromanticized evil to be resisted. Gill’s song echoes God’s warning to Cain in Genesis 4, as Cain’s resentment against his brother begins to grow:
If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.
The anger in Gill’s song and the anger in Cain’s story have different sources. One is justified anger against cruel mistreatment and the other is the selfish anger of jealousy and cherished resentment.
These are not the same, and should not be treated the same. Good anger can be a powerful and positive motivator in life – it certainly has been in mine. Anger, properly directed, gives me the energy to fight things that should be fought. Sometimes anger is a necessary part of resisting evil and recognizing our own value.
But as the old saw goes, anger is a good servant but a bad master. Whether our anger is justified or is something darker, it can take power over us. Even good anger can become a fire that burns away our selves.
I can be devoured by anger at broad injustices in the world or at personal slights to me. Sometimes my rage has no clear object. Sometimes I burn at specific people, and sometimes I turn the rage inward on myself and it becomes depression.
Regardless of its reason or object, rage has the power to control us. It can rob us of joy and curdle our compassion. It can become the motivation for sudden, impulsive actions with long, disastrous consequences.
Anger can enslave us.
Traditionally, contrasted with the list of seven deadly sins are seven Christian virtues. In this schema, patience is the opposite of anger, but I don’t think patience is the proper antidote when our good anger has overcome us.
Forgiveness is perhaps the central act of Christian praxis. It is not an assertion that the wrongs against us don’t matter, but that they cannot outweigh what Christ accomplished for us at the crucifixion and resurrection. Forgiveness is an assertion of Christ’s victory over sin and death. Because of the empty tomb, the wrongs against us and the wrongs inside us no longer dictate who we are.
We often define ourselves by what we hate. Letting go of our rage sometimes feels like cutting off a limb, losing a part of ourselves. Forgiveness is the assertion that we can instead be defined by love, by the transforming love we have received and the love Christ offers to teach us how to give.
I am a baby at this, still learning by tottering little steps. I am embarrassed to write about this when I am almost certain to topple over in front of everyone. I write it anyway because learning it is one of the most important things in my life.
Very profound, and as always, very well written.
Well done. I have been working a good portion of my adult life to be defined by love instead of by hate.
Hi. New here, but really enjoying your posts. This one was very insightful. These are some thoughts from an article I ready recently that I would like to share.
1) Anger can be good. Anger which motivates a person to strive toward good, like getting laws changed to stop child abuse, is good anger.
2) Anger can be useful. God gives us the “fight or flight” instinct to produce the adrenaline we need in crisis situations.
3) Anger can be channeled for good. Focused anger finds ways to correct wrong for the good of ourselves and others.
4) You have a choice in your emotional reaction to anger. Recognize and admit it. See God in the trial. God is sovereign and in complete control over every circumstance and person that enters your path. Nothing happens to you that He does not cause or allow. God is a good God and does and allows all things in your life for your good and the good of others!
5) Uncontrolled anger begets more anger. Work toward staying calm when another is venting his anger until he has cooled off. Then, if possible, deal with the real problem.
6) Long-term anger can turn into other negative emotions like resentment, bitterness and hate. Take action to stop the cycle before the roots are so deep they are almost impossible to destroy.
7) Anger can make you sick. Keeping anger inside can be done only so long before it affects even your health. When in a rage, a person´s blood pressure goes up; his neck veins swell. Anger affects respiration, the heart, nervous system and muscles.
Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry, but, don’t sin… don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”
Oh, this is beautiful.
Anger is perhaps the defining emotion of my family of origin and I was very determined that by golly, no child of mine would ever see me angry.
You may guess how well that’s worked.
But it IS something I’m working on – and MY family is a much gentler, much less angry one, even if I can never be a perfect human.
Beautiful! Thank you.
Saying, “well said”, is under-rating this post.
“We often define ourselves by what we hate.” This is so true, but I’ve never given it much thought before. Forgiveness, I’ve come to learn, is so critical to becoming free from bitterness.
Great post!
“Anger is a good servant but bad master” excellent food for thought.
I will reread this a couple of more times. There are too many nuggets of wisdom to comprehend at once.
Woooo thats some good writin!
Thank you for writing this.
Quite lovely.
My first response is that I agree with Vince Gill AND Genesis: do what’s right, period.
If she shoots the bad husband, she’s going to suffer and he’s going to be merely dead.
I don’t know what difference the anger’s justification makes when the end result is the same.
i have a post percolating in my brain about forgiveness as well.
Really great post. Good for these times as well. I wish I had something wise and worldly to add to your thoughtful post, but alas…
Incidentally, my brother and I have often discussed how either he got our share of the anger gene, or it’s possible I have a lot of buried rage.