Things I Fantasize About

I admitted in my previous post that I fantasize about making sure every little drop of gasoline makes it into my car, and it made me think. I have all sorts of fantasies I have never told you about.

And no, I do not mean the fat comedian kind.

So here is a list of small and large things that magically happen in my daydreams:

1. I lose a sufficient amount of baby weight for an entire new wardrobe. But wait! That’s not the daydream part. The daydream is that in one fell shopping swoop I buy a complete wardrobe and never, never buy clothes again in my life. Ever. Oh, that would be glorious. And if it means in forty years I am the little old lady in church wearing the 2007 equivalent of the leisure suit, I am okay with that.

2. I punch Sacha Baron Cohen in the face. Or maybe hit him with a bat. I admit this is not Christian behavior. I am flawed.

3. I fix the garage door. This obviously lacks the same quality of unrealism as the first two fantasies, but it is unlikely enough.

4. I nonchalantly use a light saber for common household tasks. I am a child of the seventies – I can’t help it.

5. I learn to quilt. This is about as likely as the light saber thing.

6. I utterly destroy all the poison ivy and invasive honeysuckle in our back yard. With my thoughts.

7. After civilization is destroyed in some horrible sci-fi movie catastrophe, I and a few others quietly reestablish human society in a cave somewhere. We save all the books we can find and pass on learning. In the midst of the desperate, life-or-death struggle around us, we raise our children peacefully and offer hospitality to whatever strangers pass our way.

Unless the stranger is Sacha Baron Cohen – then I punch him in the face.

I am what I am.

Now you know.

How about you?