An Emphatic Plea for Please*
July 29, 2007 by Veronica Mitchell
*Special joke for loyal readers Angie and Laura
The Battle of Manners: Day Five
It has been almost a week since I first insisted Sweetpea say “Please.” We are at an impass.
Every day she stands at the top of the stairs and says, pleadingly, “I want to be carried.”
I say, “Do you mean ‘Mama, please carry me’?”
She says, “I do want to be carried.”
I say, “You have to say please.”
She storms at me.
When we visited the cousins recently, everyone commented on how well Sweetpea speaks, even though she is only two. She speaks so clearly and completely that I decided it was time to insist on manners. She is pretty good about saying “Thank you,” but “Please” offends her dignity and she refuses to say it.
This child is stubborn. If I say so in front of my mother-in-law, she presses her lips together and looks at the floor in silent disapproval of such criticism of her perfect grandchild. My mother-in-law, in other words, is whipped. I live with this little angel every day, and I’m telling you, this two-year-old has sufficiently mule-like qualities to make me question our family tree.
We have gone five days without me carrying her at her demand. I still carry her and feed her and do all the necessary things, but I have to be sneaky and do it when she is not asking for it.
“I want more chocolate milk.”
“Is that anything like ‘Please, Mama, may I have more chocolate milk’?”
“No! Nooooo! I don’t want it!”
“It’s a good thing, because you won’t get it until you say ‘Please’.”
Today I was lying on my bed, and Sweetpea was eyeing me, suspiciously. I knew she wanted to get on my bed with me, but she wasn’t going to say please, and she wasn’t going to demand, knowing I would only tell her to say please.
Wordlessly, I motioned her towards me. She took a step and I swooped her up in my arms, snuggling her with a FWUMP! onto the bed. Her face lit up in a beatific smile and she giggled into my shoulder. This stubborn little girl of mine is a battle, but I love every contrary bone in her body.
And when it comes to loving my girl, I can be stubborn, too.
How sweet. My kids are both quite good at saying “Please” but saying “Sorry” is another story…
In the words of Pat Benatar, “Love is a battlefield.”
Wordless communication may become the norm around your place for awhile
I’ll bet that she’ll come out with a please one of these days soon.
oh yes, my three year old will make a demand and then when informed he needs to ask nicely so he will add a cherubic “please” to his demand - I guess we are in phase two and still battling it out…
Love it.
I also love it when they get to the point that they actually say ‘please,’ and when their request is denied, they shriek, “But I said ‘PLEASE!’”
The magic word only takes you so far….
Ü
Maybe try sign language.
I’m on the opposite end… my kiddos DON’T talk… so I make them use sign language — because I know they are old enough to be using manners. They seem to think the sign language is OK. Most of the time. We just picked up a ASL video from the library — it covered the basic necessities; please, thank you, your welcome, and cookie. LOL
Good for you for sticking to your guns, and remember, all rules are made to be broken. Particularly when there is a snuggling opportunity involved.
We are currently working on “I’m sorry,” it doesn’t come naturally to any of us here, but I figure part of parenting is making our kids a better version of ourselves.
Great post!
The Baby says please and thank you but believe me, she has far to go. Like last night when she yelled at her father “GET OUTTA MY ROOM PEEEEZ!”
This is EXACTLY Harry. He will say “Thank You”, “Sorry” and “You’re Welcome” consistently, but ask the boy to say “Please” and he balks. If I try to get him to say “Please”, I get this incredible blank look like I suddenly started speaking in Latin.
My 2 1/2 year old also suffers from ‘I Want’ syndrome.
Some of my favorite and most effective come backs are:
“That’s nice”
“You may continue to want candy/bubbles/outside/whatever”
“Can you ask nicely?”
“What’s the magic word?”
Seriously, after a day of constantly hearing “That’s nice” with an occasional reminder of how to ask nicely she caught on. Any more if I say “That’s nice” she knows it is her cue to say, “Please may I please, have more milk, please?”
What an adorable child! This makes me wish I could go back and have a mulligan with my three children. They were also, three under three. It was such a wonderful time of life. Enjoy your strong willed child — she is probably stubborn because of those two lousy I.Q. points!
Ah, the manners battle with a 2 year old. I know them well.
MF will happily say ‘Thank you!’ quite frequently for every little thing, which is rather amusing, but, like you, the ‘Pleases’ are a major battle.
He’s also big on saying/demanding ‘Scuse me!’ when he wants you to move, and he thinks this means that we are required to move because he’s said the words. The shreiking that can follow when we don’t actually move upon demand, oh my ears!
I just found you via Gray Matter, and now I have to go and read your archives. I have an almost 2 and almost 3 year old so I was lovin’ this post
she’ll get there and soon find out what magic please has to offer. sweet post.
Ah, what a great kid. And a LOL post. But then, I don’t have children to raise, so maybe it’s easier for me to be amused?
You could try exaggerating when you say please to her as well as inventing reasons to tell her please.