After three years of motherhood, I am still getting used to this job. I still remember the lovely unencumbered feeling of going where I wanted to without first asking “Will the stroller fit? Are kids welcome? Can they make noise? Where can I change them?” Sometimes I miss the freedom and independence of solitude.
Thursday is supposed to be my day, the day when Az watches the kids and I get to do other things important to me. We have just started this schedule, and I love it, but Sweetpea has been sick for a few days, so today did not work out. Instead of reading and writing and going to the library and coffeehouse, I have been providing mama-comfort to the queen of vommit.
Sweetpea is ordinarily a serene and self-possessed child, but her temper changes whenever something is physically wrong. Hunger, exhaustion, injury and illness turn her into a scolding or sobbing tyrant. Up comes breakfast all over the floor, and she stands in it screaming at us: Make this better! Make me better! Now, now, now!
Among the other changes, though, is a special one: illness makes her cuddly. Ordinarily she doesn’t want much physical affection. It gets in the way of her many goals: grabbing that toy, climbing those steps, flopping on that cushion, holding that book. But when she is ill, nothing will do but snuggling into Mama’s bosom, thumb firmly planted in mouth, clinging to me as though health itself radiated through my body heat. I love this. I eat it up. I can handle a little vommit when this is my reward.
One night, after a tiring day of dealing with one demanding sick girl and one demanding healthy girl, I went in to check on them after bedtime. Sweetpea was sleeping peacefully, curled up with her blanket. JellyBean looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I want some snuggles.”
I lay down in her big girl bed and she scooted so I could slip my arm under her shoulders. Then she turned toward me, put one hand on each side of my face, looked into my eyes and said, “Oh, Mommy. I love you so much.”
Hmm. Solitude is overrated.
Such a tender post. I, too, have one that pretty much only cuddles (for any length of time, that is) when ill. That’s also when he slows down and sometimes even stops talking for a minute. Kinda relaxing, even if he’s miserable - I’m in heaven.
And you are right - there will always be another Thursday, but those little snuggles and “I love yous” are fleeting…
Hmmm. I think maybe Pie and Sweetpea are sisters separated at birth. (Not going to think about the logistics of that…but we ARE bloggy sisters, so maybe they are too.) They’re certainly having the same week, with concomitant personality change.
I have a hard time really submitting to the moment with the cuddles. As I posted today, I feel restless and fidgety - but then a moment will come and it’s amazing and wonderful and makes everything else worthwhile.
That sweetness is so fleeting - not that the things that replace it don’t have their own rewards, though.
Oh my goodness. The bitter sweetness of this post for me…I miss being needed and the many, many snuggles.
Oh….the snuggles make up for any bad stuff we have to deal with as parents. I found you through boomama, BTW, and I’ve enjoyed reading through your blog.
Gayle
Amen to the last line!!!