I have not posted in a while, but I am still around. I am very, very round.
I walked through the library the other day and passed two young black men. One stared pointedly at my belly and said, “Daaa-yaamm!”
I did not kill him, but I thought about it. For better or for worse, I have an implacably sexist belief that adolescent males are congenitally stupid, so I figured he couldn’t really help it. I know it’s not the most charitable view of teenagers, but occasionally it keeps me from committing murder.
In fact, I have reached the size where most people watch my belly as I approach, rather than my face. Even Az did it today. Most of my shirts do not quite reach my pants, which is embarrassing and awkward, and makes me quite the spectacle. I begin to fear that Pluto lost its classification as a planet merely to make room for me on the traditional list of nine.
Az has decided to amuse himself these last few weeks by goading me with the possibility of a late delivery. Both my two girls were born before their due date, so I have been blithely assuming this one would be, too. But there is no guarantee. Today he has started announcing, in a false tone of encouragement, “Just one more month!” or “Only six weeks to go!” Then he giggles uproariously at my glare. My man likes to live on the edge.
I went shopping for a few new baby things at the mall this week. It was not a pleasure. I had to stop and rest at every chair in the hallway, and I wondered why all the baby stores were at the most spread-out mall in the city. I bought a new mattress for her crib, not because there was anything wrong with the old one, but because I thought a super-firm mattress might take the edge off my insanity. 204 coils in a baby mattress is obviously overkill intended for women just like me, but this once I was willing to pay to ease my neuroses. A mattress is cheaper than therapy.
I also bought a new infant car seat. We have had two in the last three years, and both are broken. I hate that a sixty dollar piece of plastic doesn’t last three years. I suspect Graco started out in the loan shark business.
After two other babies, I had a list of what precisely what I wanted in a car seat:
a buckle across the chest instead of over the head
the “easy carry” handle with the twist in it
a strap at the bottom to loosen and tighten the belts (instead of dealing with buckles behind the car seat)
a canopy that can be moved in both directions (instead of fixed to the head of the seat)
one of those handy slits in the bottom of the car seat that lets it fit over a grocery cart
Of course, I could not find all of these qualities in any one car seat. I could not find any that had the last one, making me wonder where the other moms at the grocery store got theirs. Maybe you need connections. Maybe Graco sells special models to the mob. Maybe there’s a secret mom club that meets in abandoned warehouses and distributes them while the dance music plays to the crowd with ecstasy and glow lights. Any ideas?
Only my first seat had that coveted feature. Had I known how much I’d want it later I would have thought twice before handing it to friends living in Africa. With all the different size grocery carts, etc. I wonder if they decided it wasn’t worth the risk of someone suing them. I figure all the moms I see with them are using much older seats, like the one I sent to Senegal. Now I wish I’d bought them a new seat and kept my old one, only at that time I thought I was all done with babies (yes, I got preggers 2 months later right when my son started Kindergarten and I had some free time)
In the meantime, may your baby arrive any day now!
I’m hoping that you have an early delivery. Being an old maternity nurse, I know that more babies are late than are early, but mothers who have delivered early before tend to do it again. If you don’t find the carseat of your choice and have to use the ones attached to the grocery cart— perhaps you could buy a box of Chux (blue underpads) at a hospital supply store and keep a stack in the car to use under the baby in the unsanitary seat. You can drop the used Chux in their trash after the baby is safely strapped into her lovely new seat in the car. My best to you as you deliver (soon).
No problem, I haven’t been around as much as I should either. Something about the snow and cold has got me restless and ready to get out of town and not in the mood for blogging
Glad you stopped by to say hello! I’ve been checking up on you daily. Some days twice daily. Hope you don’t go over. I did with Jack and those were the longest two weeks of my life.
When is the big date exactly? Sorry, can’t remember if you told us or not.
I am so phobic in late pregnancy that I insisted that the Baby needed a new, top-of-the-line car seat, so she had a lux, several hundred dollar carseat and no doubt looked like she’d been kidnapped by hillbillies whenever we were out.
My due date with The Boy coincided (and went way past) Christmas, and one wit exclaimed as I walked past “And Lo, she was great with child.” Oh, har har.
Both brands of infant carseat that we have (evenflow and graco) fit on a shopping cart. The two slots with hooks that latch into the base of the carseat just latch on the seat back of the grocery cart. I have found one store where this doesnt work (Target) so maybe the problem you are having is with the carts and not your seat.
I share your fears about going late. All 3 of my kids were born before my due date (38 weeks - though the last was a c-section) but I’m convinced this one will hang on until 42 weeks. After being hospitalized for preterm contractions at 23 weeks, it would be the ultimate irony. My last baby was 8lbs 12 oz at 38 weeks so I can’t imagine how big this one will be if I go late.
I had to chuckle at the adolescent comment (sorry). I probably would have turned to them and said “Yeah, that’s how I feel too.”
This is probably useless advice, but I had a MaxiCosi infant carseat that fit perfectly in a shopping cart. But the handle wasn’t rotatable.
More importantly, I am glad to “hear” from you and know that you are doing well.
How you can be so funny while enormously and uncomfortably pregnant is beyond me. Because this post is hilarious.
Does Az remove all the sharp knives from the vicinity before making his little jokes? Cause I would.
It’s been years since I’ve had to buy a car seat so I’m afraid I can’t help you there, but i have to tell you your comment about Pluto made me laugh out loud.
My friend, Graco. He’s known as Graco “Two Times” in some circles and just plain “Knuckles” in others (but you didn’t hear that from me).
Ah, the *plutonic* belly. Carry it with pride. As I’m sure that you are. And beauty, too.