Fresh Start
September 29, 2006 by Veronica Mitchell
In a theology class, my professor once addressed the way people disagree about essential things. He said that when we explain our convictions clearly and carefully, if someone still does not agree with us, there is a tendency to condemn that person as either stupid or evil. He drew a court room diagram on the board, with a seat for the judge and a seat for the witness. He wrote “God” in the judge’s seat. He tapped the witness box and said, “You and I are always here.” He tapped the judge’s seat and said, “You and I are never here.”
I have thought about that class many times over the years. I read a lecture that that professor gave at a church a few years ago, where he said that in preparation for every lecture he asks himself, “For whom am I showing contempt?” Then he tries to rewrite the lecture in a way respectful to those people.
Not every idea or belief is worthy of respect, but the people who hold them should be, if only for the basic humanity wihin them, or to use more profound theological language, for the image of God within them. My father says often that each religion or ideology should be evaluated by it best adherents, the best examples of what it teaches. Judge Christianity by Brother Andrew or Mother Teresa, or Hinduism by Gandhi. Do not judge a religion or worldview by a bigoted thug you met once who made you angry.
I am pregnant, and in every pregnancy I have found it becomes extremely important to me to not only shelter my baby with my healthy body, but to shelter my baby from the madness and evil in the world, even if we don’t rush to call them such. I immerse myself in books and movies and company that share my basic moral convictions. I want my baby to know, even before he or she can really know anything, that there is a way to treat people, and a way not to, and even if everyone else does the wrong thing, here in this family we will do the right thing. I want my children to know an unquestioned, foundational commitment to intellectual honesty (including the insistence that a person’s beliefs can only accurately be described by the person who holds them) and the refusal to treat people with contempt.
I have been thinking about these things as they relate to blogging. I read a blog recently that sneered at a group that I happen to belong to. It was contemptuous and intellectually dishonest. But then I realized that I was only upset because it was the first time the sneering was directed at me. And why should that matter? If I really believe in the standards I say I do, shouldn’t I object just as much to smearing anybody? Does contempt only matter when it is directed at (people like) me?
I think my commitment to edifying books and movies and company during pregnancy needs to include my blog buddies, too. I am not suggesting censorship or any nonsense like that; but as I begin to nest for my baby, keeping the walls of my home safe and sturdy is not the only preparation I need to do. My heart and character need a little strengthening, too. Virtue - in the powerful, “not a tame lion” sense - is not easy. It has always taken preparation and work and a whole lot of grace. And my baby needs all three. So I am recommitting to respectful writing, and some respectful reading, too. Join me if it suits you.
What a beautiful, thoughtful, and profound outlook. I am fascinated by the way different ladies prepare for birth. Most of my girlfriends focused on putting their homes in order; committed to a physically healthy life style; or maybe worked on strengthening the relationships in their lives to make way for their new child. You are the first person I’ve encountered who’s focus is on building up a strong soul to welcome your baby with. I think it is tremendous and it makes me admire you all the more.
I’m not sure exactly how to put it into words, but your post made me reflect on how precious and perfect my son’s innocence is. How as a parent I see myself as a steward of that innocence. Surely the world will eventually sink its teeth in to my boy; but it will be the example my husband and I set, the things we teach him and the support our family offers that will give him the strength to be a good person.
Thanks for this post.
“even if everyone else does the wrong thing, here in this family we will do the right thing. I want my children to know an unquestioned, foundational commitment to intellectual honesty…and the refusal to treat people with contempt.”
I want to put that quote on a plaque or something. Beautifully written and well-said - as always.
I LOVE this post. Seriously, very well thought out and well written. As a Christian trying to raise respectful, critically thinking children, I find it’s really hard to find like-minded people in the Christian community. The ‘critically thinking’ part seems to be the stumbling block.
The interesting thing is that I find more contempt and bigotry from the secular world than I find in the church. In that many atheists seem to *hate* anyone with a Christian agenda. So I’d love to see more rhetoric on both sides of the table when it comes to tolerance and respect.
Great, great, great post.
You have definitely given me some food for thought. A friend told me today that during this last year she decided she needed to renew her mind and she loaded her ipod with encouraging music, sermons, and other edifying material and listened to it six or more hours a day.
I don’t think that it is a coincidence that twice in one day I hear a challenge to think about what I am putting into my mind.
“So I am recommitting to respectful writing, and some respectful reading, too. Join me if it suits you.”
I think I may have just done that by reading your post. Seriously, your writing is so compelling, I feel if I tried to comment any number of your sentences that resonated with me, I would only wind up rehashing your words ever less eloquently. So can I just leave it at “Go, VM!”?
I’ve never heard of Brother Andrew, so thanks for including a link to him. He, too, sounds very compelling. I’m going to read that book.
Oh that the left and the right of this country could learn this, what a better and more beneficial discourse we might have on important issues.
I totally resonated to this post. Criticism is one thing, but mocking and sneering is another and I decided a while back not to participate in it at any level.
You know, of course, that I am not a Christian. But there are reasons (very long, ugly story)why this resonates with me as well. I think we could all be a little more respectful and tolerant of one another. Disagreement does not have to mean disrespect. Wonderful post.
Belated Congratulations on your pregnancy!
“For whom am I showing contempt?”
Those are convicting words. An occupational hazard of studying the Victorian period is the temptation to show contempt. It’s easier to remember to be charitable to living people whose feelings can be hurt, but it’s equally destructive to the writer and readers to direct our contempt (and concomitant self-congratulation) at those who cannot defend themselves because they’ve been dead for 150 years.
And contempt is very seductive because it can seem funny, and clever.
I know that if I had those words in mind I’d have to give my dissertation a rewrite (scary thought).
I think you make a very good point, and one that I will take to heart. I have a tendency to write things that could potentially be construed as hurtful, simply for comic effect. In being aware that I like to “go for the joke”, I try to be sensitive. Things in print are always so much more “official”, aren’t they? I will endeavour to be more aware. Thanks for the post!
I don’t pretend to be a great writer, as I find many of you to be. But I want to try and be a compassionate, kind writer, using my blog to explore my own personal situation without insulting others.
Thanks for sharing this post, it will influence my future writing.
Great post!
As I try to write about life in a different culture, I try to write in such a way that I know my friends here wouldn’t be offended if they happened to stumble across my blog. At the same time, I feel I owe it to my readers from other cultures to give a realistic view of life here on another planet. But that doesn’t have to mean I expose all my struggles and hard days and bad attitudes. It’s a hard balance to achieve.
I, too, found myself avoiding certain books, etc. when I was pregnant and also when nursing. Perhaps I should be that way more at all times.
How are you feeling physically these days?
Oh, what a beautiful post. You’ve given me a lot to think about, Veronica. Thank you.
Eloquent, touching, perfectly expressed. Thank you!
Ah, but you already write this way! That’s why I read your blog.
This post is another fine example of why I read your blog, even though we don’t hold some of the same beliefs. I admire you (and your writing) a lot.
Julie sent me because we were having a similar conversation–I too am pregnant, and once again I find myself extraordinarily sensitive to what I read, view, listen to, etc. Things that normally I consider “realistic” become repugnant. There’s also the worry element (have enough to worry about without disturbing myself further), and perhaps a kind of superstitious element as well, but I think overall perhaps pregnancy puts us more in touch with who we would like to be as we prepare to pass on who we are.