I have mentioned before that Az the husband and I are both working on advanced degrees. We have been working on them for a long time. Our school is considering scaling back the program, which could mean we have wasted our years here if we don’t hurry and finish soon. I received a letter this summer declaring me an inactive student because it has been so long since anyone has seen any work from me (Since, oh, I don’t know, my babies were born. Yep, that’s it.).
So we have decided that our degrees are worth one last gamble. We have decided to try to sell our house and accept my parents’ invitation to come live with them. They will provide free childcare for us so we can work on the dissertations. This is a scary, scary thing, but that’s the plan. Nobody feels pride about moving back in with their parents, but we think it is the right decision if we are ever going to finish these degrees.
This depends, of course, on selling our house, which may prove difficult. We love it here, but that doesn’t mean anyone else would. Az the Willfully In Denial is pretending this is so impossible that we will never actually move. It comforts him. I am trying to get the house in some sort of shape to sell. So I will be very busy the next few months. We have decided I can take the time to blog two days a week, and I have settled on Monday and Thursday. So my posts will probably come in a flurry (like today) rather than one at a time. I hope you stop by and read them anyway. I have appreciated all of your comments and encouragement. I want to keep up the blog if we move, but I’m not sure about that yet.
In the meantime, I have been writing unpublished posts about my favorite places in the area, and I plan to publish them in one big glut whenever we move. I want to wait till then because it would be too creepy to write about my favorite place X and then have some stranger call out “Hey, Veronica!” the next time I go there. Unlikely, I know, but possible.
So this is my last post of today. I have to go scrape some paint now.
I moved back home for awhile after my first marriage ended, and it was the most wonderfully healing, restorative thing to do. A lot depends, of course, on what kind of parents you actually have, but the fact that you’ve made this decision suggests that you have the good kind.
Ever since my babies were born, I’ve found that nothing is more restful than the occasional chance to visit my mom without the kids and just be a daughter again.
Good for you guys!
Smoochy and I have tossed around the idea of moving in with our folks temporarily while he pursues the dream of owning his own business. There are many benefits to such an arrangement. However, I know it is a scary feeling…for lots of reasons. Especially now that you have children, there is a certain autonomy that may be compromised by the move back in with Mom and Dad.
Is it worth it? I guess it depends how big the dream. It sounds like you and Az the Highly Educated have put in a great deal of hard work on your degrees and it would be a tragedy if all that effort was wasted because the program downsized. Surely it would be challenging to sell your house and move in with your parents; it could strain your relationship with your hubby and your folks. But, that is the type of thing that can be worked through. With patience, respect and, communication your relationships would be strengthened not strained.
There is so much good to be said for bringing up your children immersed in the love and support of extended family. I bet Sweatpea and Jellybean are already very close with there grandparents, but perhaps this would afford them the opportunity to become closer still. Ours is one of the first societies where this arrangement would be uncommon. People thrive when they live within the community of their family. If my son were in the same position you guys are in I would want him to feel he could move back with Smoochy and I to follow his dreams. Plus I would eat up the grandkid time.
Mostly I just want to see you finish your degree! I shelved my masters after a year; and though most of the time I do not regret it, there is sometimes this little voice in the back of my head that asks: “what if?” You may want to be a SAHM for several more years; but when your girls are no longer home themselves, I bet you would LOVE to be a professor (or author, or research historian, or WHATEVER YOUR GOAL IS
) and finishing your degree now (I’m guessing) will make that easier for you then.
Good luck to you and Az on selling the house!
my thoughts … more power to you guys for wanting to finish your advanced degrees! best wishes on the living with the parents thing - I hope you guys are able to have a room/some space of your own, that seems to be important when cohabitating. And finally, and very selfishly - wha? maybe no more blogging? and random posting? *sniff*
I’m right there with ya. The last big push. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. And then you’ll be Dr. Dredge. How cool does THAT sound?
That’s a brave thing, what you’re doing. But your daughters will know their grandparents as more than a few-times-a-year set of people, and that’s a really special thing. And when you’re Dr. Dredge (love it, teacher lady!), you’ll have given them the gift of a strong, accomplished mother who has shown them one way to reach an important goal.
So how many more sentences can I start with conjunctions today? Because commenting on this blog makes me feel really self-conscious about my prose. Which is often off the cuff. And not at all polished like yours.
I love “Dr. Dredge.” It sounds so hip-hop. So cool. Sister Sledge with a library. So not me. (Have I ever mentioned that my real life name is shared by a prominent black lesbian feminist scholar? I figure that should get me a couple of interviews, at least.)
And I start my sentences with conjunctions all the time. And I don’t care. So neither should you. So there.
Finishing your degrees sounds like a good plan. Mondays and Thursdays—I’ll be here!
Wow. Big move. Big step. Finishing the degrees is a very good idea. Selling the house, though, scary. Parents? Scarier. But convenient. FIL lives upstairs and it has been wonderful. I am so happy we moved here and my son is getting to know his grandfather.
But the house. Yikes. I remember that post you wrote about owning your own home and the sacrifices you’d made to have that. I can’t imagine this was an easy decision.
I will be hear to read your posts.
Good luck with all this, it does sound scary to make such big decisions, but if you and your parents get on then having extended family around is great for the kids. My youngest says she has three mothers (her two aunts live here on the farm with us). We’ll miss you if you are blog rationing, hope you manage to keep it up. I’d better not tell my husband, he might think it a good idea for me to be on a twice weekly dose too!